Dementia and my mom

Dementia and my mom

I never imagined that I would be losing my mother

Day to day

Moment by moment

Something called dementia.

I imagined that we would have quiet moments

To remember

To play board games

But a thief came in and claimed his vision

And the puzzles are gone

Scrabble games

Even the crazy 8.

The next to disappear was his memory.

“Why am I here in this place?”

“When can I go home?”

“Where is my stuff?”

“I think I own this building, I inherited it.”

“Do you know where my room is?”

“I never see you.” Mom, I’ve been here every day.

“Why can’t I go with you?”

Since he cannot walk, he is in a wheelchair.

“Yes I can”

Mom you need help to go to the bathroom

Two people are needed to get in and out of bed

“Your father was here, he slept with me last night”

Daddy’s been gone for almost 20 years

But they tell me to agree with her so as not to disturb her.

But it bothers me …

Confined to a wheelchair, her days drag on

Sleep or go out in the sun, “to absorb”

“I’m glad you’re here,” he says and then dozes off.

Every day the same, but a little different

The foods you don’t remember

The time of day you have no idea

Waiting, wondering why she’s still alive

“I told you I wouldn’t stay, but I’m still here”

It’s okay mom, we’re glad you’re still here.

He had been coming for some time. Since last fall he had been in and out of the hospital with various infections and we thought he was gone in March when his blood pressure dropped and he had another infection, but he recovered even without the medication. The problem was that she could no longer walk alone. She had needed help for some time and I had stayed at her residence 24/7 for weeks. It was time to make a change to a nursing home. We did the paperwork and then we waited. He had to stay in the hospital because he could not return to his residence. That meant we had to clean her room, giving away a lot of things that didn’t fit in her new room: dressers, chairs, tables, and her electric bed. The family took what they could, but we gave away what was left.

My sister lives 5 hours away so she tries to come every other weekend, which helps, but the main focus falls on me. I feel very guilty if I can’t get in every day, even though I know she is safe. There are little things that are not being done, for which they do not have time because they have too many people to take care of. I’m worried about what might happen to me when I turn 98. It is time for the government to pay more attention to the health care of the elderly.

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