It’s true that not everyone who tells their spouse that they want them to leave, take a break, or seek a trial separation is telling the absolute truth. In fact, many spouses will make these claims simply because they want to get their spouse’s attention or are trying to get their spouse to change. Some spouses will make this statement when they are unsure of their marriage, or feel insecure in it. The hope is that your spouse will rise to the occasion, fight for the marriage, and show your love. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always react the way we expected.

This is what I mean. A wife might say, “I never intended my marriage to be in jeopardy because of this. But I was so mad at my husband at the time. He has started dating this group of friends that I can’t stand it. So he drinks and He’s acting like a frat boy. I know he’s trying to fit into his new job and part of fitting in is hanging out with his coworkers. But I married a responsible guy who doesn’t act immature. The way my husband is acting now , He is not the man I married. We had a lot of arguments and even fights about this, so to get his attention, I told him that if he loved his friends so much, he should move in and stay with them. He did. I’d beg you to come home and promise to cut down on your outings, especially with that group of friends. I was hoping and wanting you to fight for me. But it seems like you just accept that we’re going to separate.. You don’t ask me to reconsider. It’s almost as if this would be good in for him and he sees it as an opportunity to go out with him. they are friends even more. I am so sad and disappointed. Why wouldn’t he fight for me? Why would he let me go so easily? Don’t you love me anymore? “

I don’t think it’s fair or accurate to assume that he doesn’t love you anymore. Everyone responds differently to these types of situations. Although you and I could fight in this situation, that will not be everyone’s answer. And there are many valid reasons why you may be acting a little more passively. I will list some of them below.

It may not be in your personality to fight: If you were to ask me to give a public speech about something that is important to me, I would have a hard time doing it, despite my passion for the subject. This is true even if you were only speaking to a small group. There’s a reason I love writing instead of talking. It is just not in my personality to want to communicate what I am thinking verbally. It may not be in your husband’s personality to “fight” for you. Some people are simply more passive in their actions. This does not mean that they do not feel anything. It just means that they are more reluctant to act on their feelings. Or they can act in a less demonstrative way.

He may know what you are doing: Your husband may know very well that you really do not want a separation or divorce. So, knowing this, you feel like you don’t need to do anything but wait. Now, I know what you might be thinking: “well, I’ll show you. I can wait for it.” But, that’s probably not the best decision. You have to ask yourself what it is you really want. And if you continue this deception, you put your marriage at risk.

You may not like the method: Your husband may be worried and scared about the state of your marriage. But he may also be resentful that you asked him to leave without speaking first. He may be reacting to the way you left things rather than the fact that you are living apart right now.

He may be hoping everything works out without him having to ‘fight’.“Some people are optimistic and believe that if a relationship is right, things will just work together in the end. Your husband may be one of these people. He may know that this will probably work without him needing to do anything because, at the end of the day, they love each other. For some people, that is all that is required.

He may be dealing with something else: When people show drastic changes in behavior, this is sometimes an indication that they are under stress. You may feel a lot of pressure at work. Sometimes people will focus on the stressor that caused the behavior change in the first place instead of focusing on the consequences of the behavior change.

Your options advance: You may be wondering where you go from here. Well, you have to ask yourself what it is you really want. You can try this strategy a bit more and see if you notice or notice any changes in behavior. Or, you could tell him the truth, which is that you miss him and that although you really want to see him adjust his social schedule, you never wanted to officially separate. Instead, you thought that a breakup might help both of you gain perspective on how you approach your marriage. Your answer may tell you more about what you are really thinking and feeling.

You could try: “I’m a little disappointed that you didn’t have a stronger reaction when they asked you to leave and that you weren’t in control of going out all the time. I know it was wrong of me to ask you to move in order to change. But I wasn’t sure what else to do. I don’t want a separation, but I want you to stay home longer. Is there any way we can commit without us? Having to live apart? “

Your answer may tell you more than your lack of “fighting.” Not everyone is going to react in the same way. But when you ask him directly, his words can tell you more than his current inaction.