Parties involve a lot of planning and preparation. From selecting party invitations to deciding what food and drink to serve, the party planner puts a lot of thought into planning the perfect event. In order for both guests and host to enjoy the event, here are some party etiquette points to consider along with tips on how to properly respond to an RSVP.

Guest List. The guest list is a very important part of planning any successful party. Start by listing everyone you’d like to invite, and then be prepared to whittle the list down to a manageable size. Your venue and budget will determine the number of people. Of course, you don’t want to exclude anyone, but often you may need to, so choose eliminations carefully. Keep the group friendly and consider the mix of personalities. Be careful not to exclude a person from a recognized group, and do your best to clearly define the list so that no one who finds out later feels like they were intentionally ignored.

party invitations. Your party invitations will set the tone for your event. From a formal sit-down dinner to a backyard barbecue, party invitations will let guests know what to expect. Be sure to include all the details, including the correct date, time, and location. Don’t assume anything. Indicate the day of the week as well as the date and month to be doubly sure. Include the time and indicate am or pm if there is any possibility of confusion. Give clear instructions on the location. Even if it’s “our house,” include the street address and a map if someone may not have been there before.

You will most likely want to know in advance how many to expect. Please indicate on the invitation if an RSVP is required and how to contact you. Please include your phone number or email address for responses. And if the guest was allowed to bring a guest, please let them know so they let you know if they are coming with someone or just so you can get an accurate count.

Clearly address the invitation to those you wish to attend. If children are invited, include their names as well. If not, add a short message that makes it clear that this party is for adults only. If guests can bring someone with them, make that clear as well. You’ll need to keep all of this in mind when planning head counts and making food and drink arrangements. You can also say something about what to wear—”black tie” or “casual” for example—and even mention whether gifts are optional if you think that might become a concern. Ask a friend to proof your invitation just to make sure you have included everything you should. As the saying goes, it’s better to include too much information than not enough!

RSVP. The term, RSVP, is a French phrase meaning answer please and translates to “please answer” in English. Unfortunately, this practice of letting someone know your plans in advance is dying out fast in today’s culture. Party planning largely depends on the number of attendees. Hosts will need this to determine how much food and drink to provide. Party etiquette requires that you let the host know whether or not you will attend if the invitation says “RSVP” or requests a response. This is just common courtesy. Consider how you would feel if you had no idea who or how many would be attending an event you were hosting.

An invitation may include the line “only regrets.” This means that you are only required to inform the host if you will not be attending. But, be sure to let them know, and even if plans change, don’t show up unexpectedly if you said you couldn’t make it. RSVP means that you need to let the host know whether or not you’ll be attending, since they need to know either way so they can plan accordingly. And do not delay in responding. Let them know as soon as possible.

The invitation may indicate how to respond. An email or phone call can be requested. It’s best not to assume the message was delivered if you’re not sure. If you send an email, please follow up to make sure it was received. If you leave a phone message, please also check to make sure there is no question. Warmly thank the hostess for the invitation by letting her know whether or not she will be attending. If you have a conflict, you don’t need to spell it out, but offer to thank her even if you can’t be there.

While it shouldn’t be necessary, it’s perfectly acceptable to contact those you haven’t heard from to RSVP if the party is coming up and you need a final tally. There’s no need to confront, but a simple call or email can serve as a reminder to those you haven’t heard from yet.

Gifts. Many parties call for gifts, but it’s often unclear what proper party etiquette dictates. If you receive invitations to a birthday party, a gift will normally be requested, unless otherwise stated. Although it’s not required, it’s also considered polite to send a gift even if you can’t make it to the actual party. Graduation invitations and baby shower invitations typically call for gifts as well, and again, even if you can’t make it to the actual event. Anniversary invitations often don’t require gifts and depend on the formality of the event or your willingness to give. In either case, a gift should be thoughtful and only something you can afford to give. Be sure to include a card inside the box or attached securely to the outside, as often the honoree won’t take the time to open it during the party and you don’t want to leave them guessing who is getting the gift.

It is considered tacky to ask for gifts on party invitations. An exception might be a baby shower invitation where it helps to include a mention of where the new mom might be registered. A small hostess gift, flowers or a bottle of wine is nice to bring to a dinner party as a thank you gift. And follow up with cute thank you cards for the host in appreciation. Thank you cards are a must if you are the gift recipient!

party behavior. A party is a time of joyous celebration. We hope that you have selected your guests wisely and that everyone enjoys the event. If you have any doubt that someone might interrupt you, think twice before inviting them. And, if you’re the guest, make sure you’re not too cheerful!

As a guest, you are expected to arrive on time and dressed appropriately. The formality of the event should dictate your actions. Behave yourself and remember that the party honoree is the star of the event, not you! If alcohol is served, it is your responsibility to consume only what is appropriate. As a host, it’s your responsibility to keep an eye out for bullies and make sure they don’t drive if you have any indication that they might be in danger or harmful to others or themselves.

As the host, after all the planning is done, enjoy the party and the memories afterwards. Your guests will surely appreciate your efforts and reciprocate in kind. As a guest, thank the host for including you, congratulate the honoree, and enjoy the festivities. Be a welcome guest, reflect appropriate demeanor for the occasion, and hopefully you will be invited again in the future.