Sex: what if we were happy to be able to love and “enjoy” each other differently?
Are we talking about sexuality? To better enter the intimate, a few observations: it’s dry pussy on dating apps (on Gleeden conversations last twice as long and the average time spent on the site is 2h30), sexy photos are flying, online sales sex toys are exploding all over the world, on youporn, we count the connections in thousands of clicks / second. An idea: in 2018 for example, Pornhub consumed as much bandwidth as the entire Internet in 2002 with 33.5 billion visits.
It is an understatement to say that sex occupies the minds! We asked the sexologist Marie Tapernoux and the creator of an arty-porn site, the artist Serge Goldwicht, to help us live it as well as possible and for some, to find a complicit sexuality.
Imagine and play
Imagination, a quality almost completely untapped in free porn, whose videos act directly on the desire for coitus (and not just desire).
But then, how do we do it? We dare to talk about our fantasies, we start looking for films with eroticism very present (The lover of Lady Chatterley, Eyes Wide Shute, Histoire d’O, Emmanuelle …), we explore Instagram quietly ( account ideas in this article).
We also discover Sexblotch, a Belgian platform that focuses on different, artistic porn. The site appeals to women much more than to men, “Men are much more visual, and stains, bubbles, flows speak less to them », Sums up the founder and painter Serge Goldwicht, based on user feedback.
New discoveries? Marie Tapernoux, sex therapist, encourages her patients to innovate. “The basis when a couple has divested of their shared sexuality, is to get together and do things that are pleasant to two at least twice a month”. The confinement period then lends itself to other investigations, such as finding the path to eroticism. “It is a fundamental aspect for me and saving: the return to an eroticism that we feel thanks to the return to our imagination“, testifies Serge Goldwicht. Here, a naughty goose game to download by Perrine, from the blog” Pepites d’Amour “
Do not contaminate yourself
The coronavirus is not a sexually transmitted infection but saliva is so contagious that it is better to avoid, as well as skin to skin, sweating … So we take our troubles patiently for lovers who do not live under the same roof as for singles. These seem to have a massive use of dating sites to chat, flirt, reassure themselves. Who are experiencing dating booms and a lot more intra-subscriber messages.
Talking to each other is already important in normal times, so in times of confinement, when we get on our nerves by dint of being stuck together when we are not used to it, that we have to juggle between work and children, “it is imperative to talk to each other!“. We send each other messages of support but we also go there for the sexting, the images, that can boost a couple a little asleep. And there are the readings, in particular of erotic texts or even the instagram accounts which of an image, an injunction, an advice raise the temperature.
“It’s not easy to reinvest your desire, but if you want to try, it’s weird for one or two days and you rediscover the pleasure of playing”, explains Marie Tapernoux.
Playing is dirty talk that you can whisper in your ear or from a distance, it is sending audio recordings to each other in words that you do not usually use, it is reading a erotic passage or send it, …
And for that, you often have to start by pleasing yourself. So it’s not because we tele-work that we jump in our jogging pants and slippers. Kangaroo briefs okay … if there is an erotic game behind. And the elasticated cotton panties relaxed, it will reappear later, unless it is in this one that you feel at your best! “Take pleasure in looking at yourself, self-eroticize, eroticize the other”. Rediscover the path of the sensual. “Which is very different from reinvesting the sexual and breaking your head trying to find performance positions if you don’t really want to.”
From a distance, the game is more tempting (if you are confident) and will become more “hot” with each tele-meeting. Until they forget that the body of the other is not at hand. “What is obvious for romantic partners, that is to say going through sex to enter into intimacy, is no longer so today. We might as well reinvest in other avenues and develop eroticism”. In the absence of plan Q, let’s choose plan B, smiles Marie Tapernoux. And let’s reconnect with all our senses through sound (whispering, talking about sex, reading texts from authors, their own), images (looking for photos and erotic or other drawings, …)
The only ones to come out “winners”? Couples without children living together! “There, there is really a way to take advantage of this time of confinement to reinvest the imagination, the fantasy, the time, the preliminaries”, rejoices Marie Tapernoux. And even explore all the rooms in the house …
Rediscovering another notion of time in intimate relationships means no longer thinking about “ending it”, at the end, of orgasm. (Our article on the benefits of slow-sex here)
To you erotic meditations and different games, orders of accessories, role-playing and listening … “It may be the moment indeed”, reflects the founder of sexblotch. “The moment to realize that there is something else, that we can try something else: slower, softer, more imaginative”.
After all, “Sexuality is caged. Stereotypes, fashions, created by pornography have invaded our intimate spaces. Now is the time to reinvent, to imagine something else:” another sexuality is possible “as written Maïa Mazaurette in her latest book “Getting out of the hole, raising your head”, he concludes.
To touch oneself
The sex therapist agrees: “To take a break in this whirlwind, in all this negative, to reconnect with oneself, with one’s fantasies, with one’s hormones, with pleasure without performance, without judgment, it’s very precious” . It does everyone a lot of good. After all, we’ve been touched, cuddled since we were little. There, suddenly, every hand becomes an enemy. Apart from ours (suitably soaped and washed).
Pay attention to the after
“I think that a lot of people will experience this confinement very badly, which will exacerbate the existing difficulties in normal times, while we hardly see each other in the end … In my opinion, this dramatic situation will have a rather negative impact on the couple . It’s difficult to play down, to talk about privacy and doubts now. And tomorrow, the potential economic difficulties will also stifle all that, “predicts the sex therapist.