When you lose a loved one for the first time, the pain permeates the very soul of your being. You don’t even consider courage. His entire focus is on the pain that has descended upon his body, mind, and spirit. You are surviving, how do you not know at all. Certainly nothing more. Over time that place becomes very uncomfortable. You may be spinning around trying to escape. Every time you can’t seem to. You find yourself defeated over and over again by the enormity of the pain that settles in your heart, pressing in and around you.

How many times have you screamed?

“I can not do this!”

“Please, please help me”

“I want my son/daughter/husband/friend/wife back”

“This is so unfair, it’s not fair, it’s so unfair”

“Why? Why me? Why our family?”

Just writing this, I can remember when I was screaming and crying those same things. He was in the same place you could be right now.

Although I didn’t do it consciously, I know that at some point I found courage. I found it spontaneously. I found an inner strength that allowed me to look beyond my current reality and change. The dictionary definition of courage means the ability to do something that frightens one or strength in the face of pain or injury. It may not happen to you spontaneously. You may have to work at being brave in your complaint.

Judy Tatelbaum says, “One way to learn to be brave is to experiment with being brave” He talks about realizing courage, feigning courage, and testing courage.

Choose your words wisely – speak courageously: The way you use words can impact you in ways you don’t even know about. Eliminate counterproductive words from your vocabulary. Replace them with powerful words for you. Even if you don’t believe what you say… feign courage. It is putting that belief deep into your psyche.

“I can do this” “I’ll do this for…”

Turn your back on what you do not want – try courage: I know I’ve talked about this before. It is a subtle yet powerful way to impact your healing. Imagine in your mind that you have turned your back on all that pain. Just turn your back. It is a powerful metaphor of a barrier, a shield between you and the pain of grief. This does not mean that you turn your back on your loved one. They are always with you, always traveling by your side.

You are strength – note courage: Remind yourself every day of your strength. Fill yourself to the brim with your courage to face the world and move on. It is in the little things that you are strong. It is in the being of life where you are strong.

I went for a walk

I had a special picture framed

I took care of my children

I went to work

I stayed in bed, because I needed that day.

i got up again

If you get up once more than you fell, you will get ahead… Chinese proverb