Every parent wants to be perfect. The fears that accompany pregnancy are often related to realizing our inadequacies as human beings. How the hell can we take care of another dependent little human being when our own lives are a mess? When do our own emotions wreak havoc on our ability to function rationally? As the day of birth approaches, we prepare for the inevitable … a beautiful new life that has been gifted to us. It doesn’t matter that we don’t feel capable or qualified. That baby is coming.

The first few weeks only confirm our greatest fears and bring out our nightmare selves. We realize that without sleep and without proper nutrition we can become confused with a madwoman or a madman. We attack our loved ones. We cry at the slightest hint of instability: spilled milk, burnt toast, lack of help, or too much help. Then we look at our precious bundle and cry for its beauty.

In our most rested moments we notice that our fears have come true: we are not quite capable of caring for another human life. We are haunted by our own expectations. We know the standard and we see ourselves struggling to achieve it. A “good” mom would never think of leaving the baby on the porch crying. A “good” dad would never have forgotten the car seat and the baby in the driveway as he left. Thoughts haunt us too: “How does that mom keep her house clean? I can’t seem to even brush my teeth!” After enough weeks (or months or years) go by, we start to feel like we’re picking up on this parenting thing. We find some paradigm or book or theory to follow. So what’s funny, once the baby sleeps through the night (most of the time) or is finally potty trained or stays in his own bed, we feel like we have enough experience to tell other parents how. raise your children. That’s why we write books, blogs, and articles on the right ways to minimize your kids’ ruin.

I have a new proposal.

I suggest we discard all books, blogs, theories, paradigms, articles, and advice … if only for a moment. My intent in this article will not be to tell you how to be a parent. Instead, I hope to encourage you to FREE YOURSELF from all the standards and expectations that you or others have set for you. In reality, there is only one book, one parent, one person’s ideas and expectations that should matter to you.

Gods.

That doesn’t sound cliché. Listen to me.

Is it possible that God, within His established moral standards and expectations, may have different callings on different parents and families? What He calls a family may not be the same as the call of the next family.

The reality is that our primary goal in parenting is not to produce perfect, well-trained, well-behaved, beautiful, healthy, and productive children. This is ideal, yes, but that is not our goal. Our goal is to do with our family what God wants. And the only way to know what God wants is to ask him, then listen. Read His Word. Listen to the wise advice in our lives. Hear your soft voice speak to our hearts. When we do this, our children will experience life exactly the way He wants it. When we stop interfering with God’s plan and allow Him to do His work, we will have so much peace. No one else’s thoughts or opinions about our parenting style will be important. We will live indifferent lives to the tides of “what is going on and what is not” in the world of parenting.

This is the father I want to be. This kind of peace will also make you more loving, kind, patient, kind, tolerant, and encouraging. When you are raising your children as for the Lord, very little can influence or alter the ebbs and flows of life. In the end, God becomes the true parent and you become the caretaker of His little ones. This takes the burden of responsibility off you, the father, in knowing that He will meet your needs and the desires of your heart as you submit your parenthood to Him. What a relief!

Just try it. Ask for their help. Ask for His wisdom and guidance. Promises to answer those who ask! Live freely with your family!