I think any educated and sensitive massage therapist will tell you that they tend to meet people who are more authentic in expressing themselves than perhaps one would meet in an office. Even the same person is more authentic and gentle in a safe touch massage environment. Minimal clothing, sounds of cooing fountains, the scent of lavender, orange, sandalwood, or other essential oils, and music that doesn’t destroy your soul just seems to do that. Everyone needs a safe touch to be comforted and free to be themselves without judgment.

From my own experience, we live in a culture deprived of touch. Touch someone in the workplace, even as an encouraging pat on the back of “good for you,” and you might be judged as some kind of kinky office. Rub your back in a comforting gesture or take a hand to say “I care how you feel,” and well, go to jail! Touch in our culture is suspicious and often threatening. I am not encouraging anyone to accept the touch of anyone they meet as well-intentioned or harmless. But for the most part, the baby came out with the bath water as usual.

He used to lay hands on people as a shepherd in compliance and in the hope that James 5: 14-16 would produce the desired and promised results. Are any of you sick? Let him call the elders of the church to pray for him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. 15 And the prayer offered in faith will heal the sick; the Lord will rise. If you have sinned, you will be forgiven. 16 Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other to be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective “.

I have done this thousands of times and respectfully note that it is not the cure for anything significant, from my perspective. However, I am sure that at times and due to the reaction of some, the touch itself was deeply appreciated and meaningful. A church or pastor that relies ONLY on this because “it’s in the Bible, God said so, I believe it, that does it for me,” is a fool and delaying help that a genuinely ill person might need to receive from professionals. I’ve seen it in my past career and it’s hard to talk about, even though I didn’t have the perspective of anointing only.

The kind, purposeful, and polite touch seems to free a person from the masks we all wear. Everybody wears masks. It is the way we survive dealing with issues that we cannot talk about or that we will not receive understanding even by thinking about. In massage, people become more openly genuine and some want to talk at times about what they are really thinking. A few may wish to vent about the office, company, or boss environment, but when they share, most simply talk about touch and why humans fear their own thoughts and needs so much.

“Needs”, now there is a word for you. Our Christian culture has almost outgrown the idea that what one needs has some validity for those in need. Sermon after sermon for decades has equated that to being selfish and carnal or unconverted and “of the world.” Just say “I need it” to a pastor and often your own repressions will erupt and you will receive a lecture on how the Bible tells us this or that, mainly along the lines of “doing nothing through faction or boasting,” but with humility to take care of each one to tell others better than himself “; Phil. 2: 3 (KJV) I always wondered if we should count everyone else as better than ourselves and all that that implies about our own personal worth, what are others supposed to do?

Everyone needs to be touched safely. A client, a long time ago, was very quiet while working on them and then suddenly said, “Don’t you think it’s funny that my dad never hugged me?” We chatted a bit about it but I knew that I, a stranger, touching him triggered that thought in contrast to his dad, who knew him well, never hugged him. After a few minutes he said, “I don’t think I’m gay.” That was also a no-brainer. This is how it worked in his mind. “I like this touch.” “Dad never hugged me.” “Oh, I like this and this is a boy!” “I’d better tell him I don’t think I’m gay so he won’t think I am.” Interesting huh? For him, touch was necessary, but it had connotations that did not really exist, but that had to be referenced. By the way, I’m not gay either.

One of the things that people need to practice more is the phrase “I need”. It is not selfish or rude. It is human and it is what makes relationships work on a more real and authentic level. How many relationships would be better or even saved if we learned to say, “I need you not to talk to me that way.” “I need you to be more often.” “I need you to touch me in a way that cares for ME.” “I need you to hear what I think for a change.” “I need you to give me some space.” “I need variety in my life.” “I need you to take better care of yourself.” “I need you to leave the people you don’t like, the crazy relatives, the stupid boss, and the fucking church out of our conversations.” “I need …” Try it sometime and you will see that others need the same too. They just didn’t know that you knew anything about needs.

Others talk about what they don’t need in terms of physical contact in their lives. They do not need to be grabbed or pushed. They don’t need to be slapped or pinched crudely. They don’t need to feel used and unloved. I guess this is another topic.

The mask that covers issues of sexuality is very important to ALL people. All massage is sensual even when it is therapeutic, since touch is by nature. In a safe and compassionate environment, many think about the place that sex or does not have in their lives. Human sexuality and the need to express and experience it never goes away. I always chuckled about how the Bible tells us that when Moses died at 110 (maybe yes, maybe no), and that “that Moses was 110 when he died – that his eye was not clouded, nor was his natural strength decreased; … “This is a coded way of saying that he realized everything and could still get excited. How they knew this, I’m not sure. I guess he bragged about it. But it is an ancient way of stating that man was not dead and was actually alive until he died. Many people I know feel dead because they have no sexual contact or expression in their lives.

While many fundamentally religious types will deny this aspect of human need as merely selfish and carnal, it is very normal and very necessary for a healthy life. The most extreme religious sexual ignorance I have heard to date is from someone who always prayed to God that they would not experience, say, incessant force and have to have sex with a partner just for the sake of having sex. Argh … no further comment. I’d say the partner is looking elsewhere in some way.

On the other hand, those who, while very religious and faithful to their church, listen politely to those in authority, represent the “point of view of God” on these issues for them every week, are quite capable of saying that They don’t care what the minister says. And your sexuality is really not a church business, which it is not. I find so many devoted believers who are opposed to what they are taught, or in many cases not taught by a church. Much of what has to do with human sexuality in the Bible is wrong and harmful to humans. He’s archaic, Middle Eastern in perspective, and he controls them very well, although perhaps that is his intention. It also promotes a lot of anxiety and depression that are functions of unspoken shame, guilt, fear, and anger. I have yet to meet an anxious or depressed client who is not afraid or angry about something he feels he has no right to do or is too risky to express. Think about it.

I love my gay clients. There are probably no more honest, open and compassionate types of human beings. They have a nature that lends itself to that, and often the experience to reinforce the benefit of that way of being and thinking. They have also faced a lot of rejection and have had to face authenticity issues that, again, most never openly face. I don’t know anyone who is gay by choice, but by nature. No one is trying to be wicked, and shouldn’t be. Everyone is a genuine human being who knows more about himself than most would dare to explore. I think of the one who was “ratted out” by a friend in church and was given a videotape to see how not to be gay. If they couldn’t change and the video didn’t convince them, then they weren’t welcome in the church. Needless to say, the video just didn’t work. I once asked a lesbian client why she came to see me as I was, well … a man! I knew the history of the abuse and I was wondering. He said the cutest thing he had ever said to me. “Because I love what you do, I feel safe, and you are the only man who will touch me again.” Wow … but she didn’t let me use that in my advertising.

Everyone needs a safe touch. Touch tends to send your message subtly but loud and clear. A client knows if I am not present at the massage by the way it feels to the touch. One client said that he would tell me later in the session if he wanted to go for 90 minutes instead of just an hour. From my perspective, I would like to know now, as it determines what and how I do the massage, but I just said that it was okay. I put my hands on him and did a half pass up his back when he said, “Let’s do 90.” He said when I touched him, he knew I wanted to go longer. Good compliment. It was the touch.

At times, there may be a person who is so stressed and angry that they just feel that way without saying it. It is more to feel than to feel. I can feel a bad intention and it is a very long hour. Sometimes you just can’t put your “finger” on it, but you know that all is not well. This is how touch works too. Only the energy that people give can inform you long before they get close enough to touch you. That is why we can feel good or bad when some people enter the room. Even without touching us, they are affecting us.

So think about how you touch yourself and why. The mantra for many is sadly “don’t touch me”, and that too must be respected. I think a lot of obesity is a subconscious message to “stay away from me.” Research tells us that 80% of all obese women have experienced sexual abuse. It sounds loud to me, but it could be close. Even untouched or breastfed, as the term is used, RATS die sooner and do not survive surgeries as well as those that are often appeased or touched. How much more to our partners, relatives, children and even ourselves. Observe even how others calm down and touch themselves to see that even unconsciously our brain tells our hands to comfort us in times of need.

So … have you loved someone today? Or if you need it, you allow it. of those whose intentions are correct, without drama or accusation. I always tell my clients, “more touch and less rocket-propelled grenades is what I always say.” They laugh and always say, “Isn’t that the truth?” If it is.